25# - Life Update: 4 Family Deaths, The Real Reason I Cancelled My London Event, and How to Deal with Toxic People in Your Life

Hello My angels. I hope you're doing really, really well. So today I'm actually doing a solo episode.I haven't done these. In a while, I'm using a brand new setup from home, so I'm hoping that this is all gonna be good and I'd absolutely love to hear your feedback on this episode as well. So do feel free to drop me a DM on Asian Female entrepreneur on Instagram.

So before we start the show, I have one really, really. humble request for you. If you have enjoyed the show so far, if you found value in it, please do follow us on Apple Podcast, Spotify, and do leave a review on Apple Podcasts or rate the podcast on Spotify. It honestly means so much to me and we really wanna get this.

Free podcast in the hands of, you know, more and more female entrepreneurs and by you just taking one second to rate it review, it really does help the show so, so much and I appreciate it so much. So let's get into today's episode, which is gonna be a little bit different actually. So. I felt like I wanted to do this episode because so much has been going on in my personal life since kind of like last August, so God nearly a year, and I know that like people, my audience will know little bits and pieces from.

ck the curtain on the year of: 2024

So I really wanted to share that with you today because I'm a really big believer in. Sharing from the scar and not the wound. And what that basically means is I like to process things and then I like to share them. And today I'm gonna be giving you a lot of personal learnings as well that I've taken from things like dealing with grief, expanding your nervous system or success, dealing with toxic people in your life.

looked at the clock and it's: 1111

So I'm gonna talk a little bit about that shortly. But I have been really feeling the feelings over the. Five or six days. And I get a lot of anxiety actually, around funerals because as you all know, if you are Asian tour and you're listening to this, they are very, very intense. So I've got that tomorrow, and then Wednesday I'm actually taking a day off and just processing because they are big, big days.

And I'm a big believer in processing emotions because if you don't, they literally simmer. And they manifest into other things which you don't want. So I'm really gonna be taking the time on Wednesday to process. And process is really looking like just allowing myself to feel the feelings, allowing myself to cry, allowing myself to be a little bit angry.

o let's set the scene then to: 2024

So that was, February,: 2024

So if you're not on the wait list, do drop me a DM on Instagram with the word wait list and I will. Because you guys are gonna be getting a very, very, very special saving, I wanna say it's like 30% off. So it definitely is worth getting onto that wait list and there's so many of you on that, any on the on at the moment anyway, so.

That event was a huge success off the back of that event, we had, including like my launch method that I did in February as well, we did 55,000 pounds worth of revenue from that event. And, and the launch actually in February, and this is just launch numbers. This isn't, this isn't actually what we generated from, from the event.

So things were like going really well in my business. My mastermind was fully booked, my one-to-one, was fully booked as well. And then I launched my membership in last May. I. Then we had another amazing launch. my membership was like 44 pounds per month. And then from that launch in May alone, we generated in sales.

These are sales numbers by the way, not cash revenue. We generated. 30,000 pounds from that launch. So again, a mo, another massive launch. It was honestly amazing. Everything I was touching was turning to gold. I was selling out. I did a retreat day last June. I sold that out. And then it was really interesting actually, because I then went on holiday tohar like in May last year.

And then when I got back, I went through this really dark night of the soul, and this is a pattern for me and something that I'm still. Sort of working on. But basically what happened was all the questions around worthiness came up, all the questions around, do I deserve this? Am I deserving of this? Am I worthy of this?

Who do I think I am? All of this stuff came up for me and at the same time I was doing a liver cleanse. So if you've ever done like a fast or like a liver clans, you will know that deep emotions do come up. And it was really difficult. Like I came back from holiday and I can genuinely say I am someone who doesn't really get depressed at all, but I.

I had bouts of depression. It was really, really hard. I have videos of me just crying, just questioning everything, like it was horrible and I didn't know what it was. And I'm so glad I had a mentor at the time, and this is why I'm so passionate about mentorship and why I am a mentor myself. And I remember like my mentor saying to me that this is your classic sliding door moment, and either you step into expansion.

Or you let the self-sabotage you, let the low self-worth you, let the deservedness take over and basically you mess up the rest of your year. So it was an amazing, amazing first half of the year. And then some other stuff went down in July, which I, I will get into another podcast episode, but this is really, this podcast episode is really about.

Navigating grief and shock. So then what happened was, and I really wanna be mindful actually, of specific family members and details. so I'm going to try and give you as much detail without going into the super specifics. But basically then what happened was that in August. Someone that I was very, very, very close to, got diagnosed with cancer and I was very close to her.

She was only 60, and the doctors basically said that she's got like weeks to live. And this was in August. And honestly, like my heart just completely broke. She was such a wonderful, wonderful person and she did survive until November, so it wasn't weeks, it was a couple of months, but it was, as you know, with any kind of cancer terminal illness, you know, that person isn't that person.

It was really difficult to see her in that state. She was in so much pain and it was just, it was really, really awful. But then what actually then happened was we then had another family death in October. So from I would say August slash September to October, I really kind of put the brakes on my business.

I did a kind of mini launch in September that went, you know, okay-ish. And I was fully booked with one-to-one clients. And then this, obviously this death happened, in October, and I honestly just, it was so intense. Like I couldn't deal with, you know, a family member knowing that she's gonna pass and then like another death.

And then what then happened was really, really interesting. And again, I don't wanna go into the specifics of it, but I started to experience, toxic narcissistic people in my life. And this had always been that this has been a theme, you know, for a couple of years now, but I guess it all came to a head.

Around these this, these deaths. And I think a lot of people, like a lot of clients that I speak to as well, they always say to me that when someone dies sometimes, not all the time, sometimes a lot of emotions come up. You see the true colors of people, you see what people are really like, and people really reveal themselves in that moment.

And I would say I saw the worst of human beings. So not only was I grappling with deaths, I was also dealing with narcissistic, nasty, terrible, awful, horrible people. And if you've ever suffered from narcissistic abuse, which to be honest, I don't think I had before that point. And I'm someone who always.

Sees the best in people. I'm always really kind. I try and be really thoughtful. You know, I try and be there for people as much as I can. I just always give people a benefit of the doubt. And I'd been doing this for a couple of years and then this all came to a head in kind of Q4 last year, and then we weren't in a position to kind of do anything about it because obviously we had coming up and get the.

But then what I realized, especially at the beginning of the year, there was like another incident in January, which revealed the true colors of some people that I, that I thought I was close to.I then basically made a decision that I'm gonna start cutting people off. So there's so many learnings in this podcast.

I know I'm jumping around a little bit, but I wanted to give you a bit of the backstory of what was actually happening, and I'm gonna come learnings in a. Then I took the decision in Q4 last year to cancel my event in February this year. And that wasn't a decision I took lightly. you know, the, the event, I mean, I think about that event.

I'm not gonna lie every single day. It's like after my wedding day and probably a few other big events that I've had in my life. It is literally single handedly the best thing that I do. It literally feels like a second wedding day. Honestly, like if you haven't seen the footage from the event on my Instagram stories or my Instagram reels, it is truly an extraordinary event.

I love to connect with people. I love bringing speakers. I love bringing panelists. I love the energy in the room. I love that connected collective energy that we can do anything. Anything is possible. And it wasn't an easy decision for me to cancel. Obviously, I had all of that emotional stuff. That I was gonna lose, like the community, the connection, the high vibe day, but also like from a business perspective, I knew I was gonna lose a lot of revenue, but I think back then I took the decision because at the time I thought I can't deal with this.

Like I can't deal with planning an event when so much is going on like the deaths and the funerals. But actually looking back now and hindsight is a great thing, by the way. I think I kind of had a nervous, nervous system capacity issue. I think my nervous system couldn't hold it all. And I think this is the work that I've really begun to do in the last couple of months is around the nervous system and not met that many speak.

People speak about this in business, but expanding your nervous system, especially if you are a woman of color, an Asian woman, is so important in your business because if you can't expand or regulate your nervous system, you can't hold more in your business. Like you can't hold. Extra cash months, extra clients, big events, you just, life, you just can't hold it.

And looking back now, it's so clear to me that it was a nervous system capacity issue. There were some other things going on in my life as well. I'll share that in a different podcast. But there was a lot going on. Right. And. So then basically I canceled my event and then unfortunately in March my mama Aji passed away, which was like another kind of blow.

And this one was slightly different because he passed away in India, but he lived in Canada. So it wasn't like we had to go to the funeral or we, you know, we had to come and see the body or anything like that. So that felt a little bit, it was really sad and it was obviously my mom's brother, but it felt a little bit hands off, not as so involved and intense.

About two weeks ago we had another, you know, untimely death in our family. someone that was 52 passed away and it's, it's honestly really, really sad. And we've got the funeral tomorrow, so lots have has been going on and I wanted to share some learnings now that I've actually learned from this whole process, you know.

Four close family deaths, dealing with toxic people, nervous system, capacity com, compar, compartmentalizing, grief seeking support. So I think, and this is just my own experience and I know this comes up with so many of my clients, even people that have like recently joined my membership. They have been saying that they're dealing with like toxic people in family, circles or friend circles.

And I think especially when you are an Asian woman, a woman of color, or you've come from a culture where family is a big part of that culture, I. There's this expectation that you need to be nice to everyone. That you need to be like the good daughter-in-law. You need to be the good, you know, cousin, sister, the good Barbie, the good, this, that, and the other.

But what I have learned through, you know, the last eight to nine months is, and I've seen the worst in people, guys, like, I can't give too much details here because. I wanna keep that stuff private, but I have literally seen the worst of humanity in the last nine months. And what, what also I wanted to say was actually things like that can have a real, impact on your confidence as well when you've got someone telling you X, Y, and Z.

in my situation, a lot of it came from, I personally think a lot of jealousy, a lot of. Oh, you are like a trailblazer in your life and my life is shit, so I'm just gonna blame you. I think when you are doing things differently in your family circles, like you are the person who's the trailblazer, you are the one who's a cycle breaker.

You are the one who's doing things differently. You are not living the conventional nine to five life. Nothing wrong with that. By the way. I love, I've got some amazing cousins who do that. No, no shame there if you've got a nine to five. But when you are doing things differently, it does trigger the the hell out of people.

And sometimes that can manifest in really nasty behavior and. What that can actually do is if someone is nasty to you, like there's, there's two, I think there's like two types of like nastiness. One is like really like behind your back, you can feel that energy. But one is like literally when people are nasty to your face and the worst of humanity comes out, that can have a real knock on impact on your business because you then start questioning.

Like for me, I start questioning am I good person? am I humble? Am I kind? But actually I know I'm all these things now. I know I'm a bloody good person. I know I'm kind, I know I'm there for people. I know I'm an empath, I know I'm sympathetic. So that when these things happen, you, you can really start to question who you are, what your values are.

If it's your fault, have you done something wrong? Could you have been nicer? These are all the questions that were coming to me and what I've realized now. And I never used to be this type of person, but this has definitely shown me over the last eight to nine months. Some people are always gonna be toxic, nasty, narcissistic people.

They are unhealed and they are traumatized. They are bad people and they are jealous, and they are triggered and you can't help them. You literally can't help them, and you should not try to actually be, you know, understood by these people. You have to make peace with being misunderstood. That's what I've realized.

I have to make peace with being misunderstood, whether that's in my personal life or my business, I have to make peace with that. And that's okay. You can be misunderstood. It's mine. And I think that for those of you listening that are battling with toxic family members, toxic friends, toxic situations.

The best piece of advice that I can give to you is cut those people off because you will regain sanity, and the biggest thing is you will regain in a piece. I, over the last eight months have done a complete. 360 and cutting people out. And you know, the, one of the other things that I've always battled with is I think in the self development world, a lot of people just say, oh, just cut people off.

Just cut people off. Just cut people off. And sometimes that's not sustainable because I think sometimes that kind of narrative. Perpetuates you not taking per personal radical responsibility for your actions. So, you know, in a relationship, whether it's a friend relationship, a family relationship, there's, there's two sides, right?

And you have to take ownership of your side and you sometimes have to work on yourself. And that's really scary. But, so I always used to think that cutting people off is possibly not always the solution, because I wanna acknowledge that. Potentially I might have been in the wrong, but what, when I've witnessed such terrible people, the biggest thing that I can do for my inner peace of my energy is actually cut people off.

And I know that's really difficult, especially that when I talk to my clients and they're in like an Asian family setting because. We have been taught, like I said before, to be a good daughter-in-law, to be a good friend, to be a good sister-in-law, all of these things. But actually, why should you be nice to people that are completely toxic and nasty and they've got nothing nice to say?

So what I've done actually over the last eight months, like I said before, is cut a load of people off. And you know what? It feels amazing. I've regained so much inner peace. I feel so calm. I just feel so good. And I've stopped chasing after people that quite simply just horrible people. Like I've just stopped it and I've been pouring my energy into people that are amazing.

So. I've got, I've got a big family, you know, my own family, my cousins, they're are wonderful, you know, all of them. I've been, you know, pouring into those relationships. I've been pouring into friendships. I've been pouring into myself in solitude, and I've just been, just been distancing myself and I.

Sometimes you do wonder, how long can this go on? Because unfortunately, sometimes we are tied with people that we do have to see at some point. But I'm not worrying about that. I'm just focusing on myself and making sure that in the future, you know, I'm not available. For situations that compromise my inner peace.

And I think that if you are in this situation right now, I really do think that you should do maybe some journaling around who's making you unhappy, who's stealing your inner peace, who is toxic, who is narcissistic, and. Make a plan to cut them off. Honestly, if you've, if you've tried to reason with these people, which I found that you can't reason with them.

Just cut them off and it's okay. And you're not a bad person. You are still a really sweet, kind person, but you are just asserting your boundaries. And I think that's what's really important and that's what I've learned. So moving forward, like recording this, this is in July and I'm literally for the rest of the year, like I've been doing.

For the first half this year, filling my cup up with community, with friends, with family, with people from my membership. My clients like these are the people that I wanna be around. My mentors, not people that are literally angry at the world and potentially you for. You know, the shortcomings in their life.

That's what I've realized and hurt. People do hurt, but hurt people also do heal. So, you know, I wanted to share that. The other thing that I really wanted to share was that if you are navigating big life stuff.I know a lot of my clients go through things like, you know, their caregivers for family members.

they might have had deaths also in their family. They might be going through health issues, fertility challenges, all of the things that show up in life, especially for women in their thirties and forties. Menopause is another one as well, is that I think that you can. Compartmentalized to a certain degree.

So I think that when big life issues are happening, I. Personally for me, what I have found is actually throwing myself into work when I feel like it actually does help. So, obviously today is the day before the funeral. I'm recording this podcast episode. I'm gonna do a little bit of content and then I'm gonna work on a sales page that I'm doing, and I think that that can really help you.

However, if you want to actually take time out. That's really important as well. So when we had this death a couple of weeks ago, I literally like took off most of last week. Like we had to go to the, like the family house to grieve together and that really took it out of me. And last week was the full moon as well.

And I just, I just took. A week off. I did a few bits and pieces here and there, but really gave myself permission to take time off. And sometimes I know in business, like I've been there myself, when you have got responsibilities, you do have clients, you are fully booked. Sometimes that you know, sometimes you know, for example, if I have my like big February event next week, of course I'm not gonna cancel that.

I'm gonna have to. You know, deal with that. But if there's things that you can move around, like people are so kind and sweet, like my community is honestly so incredible and people will understand. So if you need to move, type things around, if you need to be unavailable, if you don't, you know, you need to get off social media, that's okay.

Just make sure that you give yourself time to heal and grieve. That's really, really important. And just be. I think the other thing is be really honest with, if you've got clients, like at the height of all of this going on, last year I was fully booked with one-to-one clients. I had a follow-up mastermind that was running.

I also had my membership, so I just mainly like my one-to-one clients and my mastermind clients, I just told them that I'm going through this. Like I said to them, you know, we've got a family member. Unfortunately, they are gonna pass away when they do. It's all gonna be very sudden. I know that I would have to go and see them and all of the, all of the stuff.

So, you know, just tell people, tell your clients. And nine times out of out of 10 people are absolutely fine about that. You know, don't feel, don't feel bad. And the other thing I would say that is really important, that has really, really helped me to be honest, is, seeking support. And I think that women especially have the martyr syndrome, and I talk about this a lot in my trainings where they're like, I'm just gonna hold everything myself.

I'm gonna do everything myself. I'm gonna be there for everyone. I'm gonna keep things ticking along and I'm be on top of everything. I'm gonna be either the martyr that saves everyone. That's called the Savior Complex. And honestly, I gave that title up years ago. I have been prioritizing myself and you know, for the last five to six years.

There used to be a time where I was running constantly around people. I was running around, you know, my own family. I was running around my parents, I was running around my brother, I was running around my in-laws, I was running around my sister-in-law, everyone like friends, family, everyone, and not like, not.

You know, that was their fault or anything. They, they weren't all wonderful people, but I was literally doing so much running around that I got really ill and I burnt out and I caused myself health issues. So now what I tend to do is I really seek support and I really reschedule, and I really ask for help.

You know, like last week. I was going through like last Thursday. It was the full moon. I woke up and I honestly just sat in my bedroom and cried for about 30 minutes straight. Like I felt awful. Obviously, with everything going on, you know, grief for family members. I was grieving so much, and in that moment I voice noted my wonderful friend Cam from s.

And just said to her, look, can we just get on a quick call? and we got on a quick call. It's 45 minutes long. She really held space for me and she gave me some advice, you know. I then voice noted my mentor, she gave me some more advice. I then that evening went for a drink with my cousins. That was really nice because we are from the same side of the family.

We're now, we're getting grief together and. Had a little cry. I rang my mom that night, cried to her, and she was crying because she's obviously really upset with everything going on. So don't be scared to cry. Don't be scared to be vulnerable with your closest people. Don't be scared to tell people what's going on because.

In those moments. You need that community. You need that connection. You need people to see and understand you, and that's really, really important for you to, you know, really that, I think that's leadership actually. That is real leadership. And I think that, you know, all of the things that I've been doing in my business since the last eight months, they're not all perfect.

but it has been, it. I have been leading myself, I would say pretty well, you know, I'm still standing here, still feeling positive still, you know, still have that zest for life feeling hopeful, and I think that's the most important thing. the other thing that I actually wanted to share really quickly as well is around the nervous system piece.

Now this is something that I have been learning. For the last couple of months, and I'm really gonna be doing a deep dive into this, into the next few months. And if you're in my membership. Or you are one of my one-to-one clients, I'm ask one clients. Of course there's gonna be a training on this because anything that, anything that I like, you know, learn, I just always pass on to my clients.

But what I've learned about the nervous system is that you have to have a regulated nervous system. And I'm not gonna go into too much details of this right now because I feel like I've talked so much, but I. Regulating your nervous system in these times is so important. And in general in business, when you are holding a lot, so regulating your nervous system might look the things like meditation humming, which is really good for you.

Going for a walk calling, calling a loved one, anything that makes you feel safe. You know, in your life. Because what we don't wanna be doing in our businesses is we don't wanna be creating from survival. We wanna be creating from a thriving space. So not from a place of chaos and survival from, you know, thriving.

And I know that might sound really hard, especially if you are an a woman of color because so many of us have. Been raised in a survival culture. So I am gonna be talking more about the nervous system, but I think that like, again, it comes back, back down to that self-care piece. What are you doing for yourself so that you don't burn out?

because you know, there's nothing glorified about being busy, busy being productive, and just doing everything yourself. There's nothing amazing about that. So that's where we're at. I feel like this podcast episode hopefully gave you some things to think about. It might have, you know, made you think about all the invisible burdens that you've actually been carrying in your life and.

You know, please, please, if you're going through a tough time, like just know that you're not on your own and I love and adore you so much and you can, you've totally got this. And I think also wherever you are in your journey, please remember this work isn't about. Scaling your income or your business or your ambition, it is about scaling your capacity for life itself.

And that's really important, and this is why the nervous system piece is so important. It is like, how can you scale your capacity for life? How can you live a full life and how can you create an epic business? And how can you navigate business? Life, but still be an amazing leader. So there's gonna be loads of other learnings, I'm sure.

But I just, I feel like this is more of a life update to give you and some of the, some of the small lessons that I've learned over the last. Couple of months. I really hope this helps you and supports you. Please do drop me a DM on Instagram. You know, when you're doing a podcast and I see all the stats, in our dashboard, but like you don't know who's listening, like what's landing.

I would absolutely love it if you could drop me an Instagram dm. I'm on Asian and called Female Entrepreneur. If you love this episode, please share it with someone. If you can share it on your stories, that would be amazing so that we can reach more and more people. And I totally understand that this might have not been the typical motivational kind of episode that you might have been expecting from me, but I think it was one that I needed to share with you.

So yeah, what's le what's next? So I'm really excited. I know I've got. You know, a funeral to go to tomorrow. But I must say I'm really excited for the rest of this year. I'm really excited to do some deep work around nervous systems, some other things that I'm gonna be doing, which I can't share with you right now.

of next year in: 2026

I think about my event every single day. No exaggeration. So if you do wanna attend my London event, then do get yourself onto the wait list. So when you are on the wait list, what basically happens is that you will get a special, really special rate. So normally tickets are over kind of 110 pounds, but if you're on the wait list, you are gonna get quite a significant saving.

And the wait list is only gonna be open for five days. You won't be able to get that rate on social media. You have to be on the wait list to get that special rate. So what you can do is you can head to the show notes to get on the wait list. It says like event wait list, or you can drop me a DM on Instagram with the word wait list.

And basically make sure that you sign up to that wait list because you know you wanna be getting that special rate. And I'm just honestly so excited to meet all of you. It's gonna be another amazing, amazing event. So thank you so much for listening to this podcast episode. You know, and thank you so much for just being here with me and doing life with me.

I really love and adore you. I hope that July has got off to an amazing start for you. And just remember anything and everything is possible for you, and I believe in you and you are just so resilient and so amazing. So I will catch up with you guys soon. Thank you so much, and I will speak soon. Love you.