19# From PTSD to Purpose: Real Mindset Tools to Heal and How to Build a Successful Wellness Business

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So if you are enjoying our conversations, please do subscribe to our YouTube channel so that we can keep growing and serving you. So without further ado, let's. Dive in to today's episode. So today I have the amazing meta dhar With us, me is a certified health coach and EFT tapping practitioner specializing in stress and burnout using her unique approach that combines EFT tapping and.

Her extensive training holistic practices meter transforms the physical and emotional wellbeing of her clients, empowering them to feel better, happier, and healthier, and thrive in life. Her one-to-one client base spans the uk, Canada, and the USA Meet Also works with corporate organizations. Offering tools and wellbeing strategies to manage stress and overwhelm in the workplace.

And Meta has also been a previous speaker at some of our events in London and Birmingham. So welcome

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And we were talking about this on WhatsApp and for anyone that doesn't know, obviously me and Mita are friends. I've known Mita for such a long time now. She was also a previous mastermind. She's been a speaker at my events and she's just absolutely incredible. I've always so inspired by you. So let's just go back to your backstory because.

You had an accident, didn't you? That changed your life? I

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I jumped at the chance to give up my corporate career, and off we went on a little American adventure. Only to find that four weeks. I think it was less than four weeks. I had a horrible car accident, and I've got two daughters who were with me, at the time. And, I think to, to just cut that story, very short, very lucky to be here to be sharing that story.

but what then happened after that was an entire journey of me trying to deal with PTSD. Anxiety, panic attacks. and ultimately it probably led to the transformation that, I've experienced in the last 10 years and got me to where I am today. I love that so much

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But you're such a positive person, you're so calm. Like that's the other thing. You have got this calm demeanor about you. 'cause I know we've been in like events together, like we are gonna go on stage, together and you ju just a very calm and relaxed. And chilled. and I've never heard you very like overwhelmed either.

I just think you've got this beautiful energy around you. So like obviously back then you were going through so many mental health challenges. Like what really helped you overcome like those dark times? 'cause I can imagine there's probably people listening to this and they're going through maybe a really tough time.

Mm mm And I think when you are in like. A kind of like a mental health battle or in a dark space. Yeah. Like it's so hard to see, you know, the light. So like what really helped you, do you think? Like any tools specifically you would say?

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But, I then started meditating, you know, that was a difficult journey because I was one of those that I can't sit still, I dunno how I'm gonna do this, but I gave it a shot. I started journaling, I shifted, my nutrition, started looking after my gut health. So I started this whole holistic wellbeing, lifestyle medicine journey.

And it really started to shift things for me and how I felt. the biggest thing for me probably was when I discovered EFT tapping. And, I know I've spoken to you about the power of it, but it was probably the one thing that got me back in the car without feeling completely anxious and, having those really overwhelming, negative thoughts.

And I had. One session, and I couldn't believe how different I felt after that session, actually. But the biggest test is always, you know, in the moment. So when you get back in the car, get back behind the wheel. Mm. And when I did get back behind the wheel after that session, I felt no emotional charge now for anyone that.

Has struggled with any kind of PTSD and those thoughts. You know, we know that the mind body connection, the, you feel it in your body. It's, it's very visceral. I had none of that. I didn't feel triggered. I felt pretty calm. I managed to turn left, which sounds really crazy, but after my car accident, I really wouldn't turn left because that's where, how I had my accident.

So I would turn right and go back on myself. And after the session when I'd got in the car, I turned left without even, without even giving it a second thought. So. All of that. all of those things really helped me and I guess that then gave me a toolkit to, which is what I use now as the foundation of my work and how I help others.

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I would say, I mean, it's really hard to give it a timeframe. I, I think each and every day it's celebrating those small wins. Mm-hmm. I think it's, you know, when, when you are in, when you are in that anxious place, sometimes just getting through the day, getting through the hour can feel, you know, like.

Like you've won. And I think that's what you need to focus on. When you start shifting your mindset a little bit, you start seeing, it starts accumulating. So I don't think, I mean, I felt an immediate shift in my energy straight after that tapping session. Mm-hmm. That, that, that was very, very immediate. obviously with lifestyle practices and things like that and nutrition and mindfulness and meditation, that's much more of a slower burn.

But you certainly start feeling the benefits. you become more self-aware, don't you? Yeah. Let's face it. I think the awareness is, is a key, is the key piece. And once you have that awareness that you are in your head and that you are having these thoughts, but actually the last five minutes. I felt quite good and I felt quite present and grounded.

I think that's where the journey begins. And like

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Mm-hmm. When they want to shift or transform.

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So interesting. I mean, even now, I'm, you know, I, I really enjoy learning and I'm constantly evolving and learning my knowledge. So yeah, I think I did dive quite deep. again, it comes from that, that desperate state, I think. and when you start feeling just a little bit of a shift, you want a little bit more of that.

Do you know what I mean? And I

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it's this lovely blend of, spirituality meets science basically. So traditional Chinese medicine and modern psychology. the modern psychology part is, is the area that I have the most interest in because. When we feel anxious and stressed, our amygdala in our brain is firing off and talking to us, and we start feeling that in our body.

So you'll get anxious in your belly, in your head, you might get sweaty. I. And that's that fire alarm going off. But when we tap on these points and we focus on something, you know, negative or something that's stressing us out, we turn down that arousal. and what that means is that you almost rewire the brain.

You know? So the reason I was able to get back in that car without feeling so. Anxious and panicky was because I'd done the tapping and I'd literally calmed down that arousal of the amygdala and told myself my, my brain and my body that I was safe ultimately. and that's transformational. You know, in that moment it was transformational for me.

But as I then practiced it more and more, then decided that I wanted to train and become a practitioner, you have to work on yourself. Right. Mm. And I realized just how many things, how, how, how often are we in a fear-based state? You know, you could be triggered by somebody or going through grief and loss.

You could be just having an argument with someone. It could be a work situation. So it is just such a. Useful and versatile technique. and it's great because it's so easy. So you can do it, you can do it on your own. if you wanna go into sort of more trauma based work, then you'd obviously work with a practitioner, but it is something that you can practice yourself

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Why do you think it's sometimes we have to tap. On the negative statements. 'cause I think sometimes people, I've seen two types of v fts, sometimes it's tapping on positive statements. Yeah. But sometimes it's really bringing up the negative. Yeah. And then people are like, oh, but that's like we are delving into the negative.

Like what are your thoughts

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I love affirmations, don't get me wrong, but, it's a bit like, if I had to use an analogy, it's a little bit like if you've got a really smelly dustbin in your kitchen. then your kitchen's gonna stink. And if you spray air freshener, then it's gonna smell lovely, but soon enough that smell is gonna go away and you're gonna have to deal with the actual problem and take the bins out.

So it's much the same, you know, we have to deal with what's going on, what's the underlying emotional blocks, those unresolved emotions. And it feels difficult. And it's hard and it's all part of the healing process. But I feel that there's. So many of us, including myself, we have these, we have these negative emotions and we never really say them out loud.

We just kind of wanna, you know, push them to the side and self affirm and self-talk and think, talk our way out of it. but sometimes saying it out loud and acknowledging and accepting how you are feeling. It's incredibly healing. You know, even just when I start working with clients, just that first sentence I love and accept myself brings tears to people's eyes because they're like, I've never really said that out loud to myself.

so I think you do need to do that work, but then when you have, and it can be quite quick, you know, sometimes it's not. It's not hours and hours of tapping. And what I hear from my clients is I've been in therapy for six months and what we've done in one session is incredible. So you can move through those emotions quite quickly without having to retraumatize yourself, for example.

Yeah. And then you go onto the affirmations and then you go onto the transform. You know, it is a little bit of a journey. Mm. but it's long lasting.

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I normally cry yes, when I do a FT. Yes. and sometimes I can be a little bit scary, but I think it's so powerful and I think. I think we are living in a world where we aren't even aware of our constant negative emotions and thoughts on a daily basis. Yes. And I think they're just installed in us just like they would just be, you know, something very normal.

Mm. And I think people just don't even realize when they're being negative towards themselves because it's just this kind of. You know, default programming. So how would you say in terms of like if someone's trying to. Maybe they don't even realize and have the awareness that they're actually like stuck or they're actually quite negative, or they're not positive or they're being impacted by negative emotions.

Like how can someone, if someone's listening to this and be like, you know, I'm not sure how to go about that. Like, what would you say? Like they can do maybe to get awareness around that.

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Yeah. Yeah. And scary. You know, I think the first time I journaled, I wrote, I don't really know what I'm supposed to write, but. This is supposed to be quite transformational and that's how my, my journey started. So I think it's sitting down maybe with a piece of paper or just having that time to yourself to think what are the thoughts that I.

Think quite a lot and well, how do I talk to myself? You know, how would I, how, how would I talk to a friend and how am I talking to myself and what's those negative thoughts that are coming up? And it's really interesting because that brings up a whole host of limiting beliefs. Mm-hmm. You know. I'm not good enough.

I don't have enough, I'm not smart enough or pretty enough or, or like it all comes up. and it's something actually, I run retreats and it's actually one of the things that I do get people to do. Free writing journal journaling can be a scary word.

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Yeah. It's of journaling.

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And they're the ones that write two pages worth, you know? And suddenly you start connecting dots. I think that's the thing. 'cause you get out of your head. So that's probably a really good. Place to start. I

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It can, it's got so many benefits, but people get so scared of it. and I also think with journaling as well, it is just, it can just be such a magical process. And I think also it connects with your subconscious mind 100% because your subconscious mind obviously. relates to symbols and visuals. Yes.

And so many people don't realize, but the subconscious mind is running 90% of our reality.

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Yeah. And I can get things out of my head sometimes. It's a gratitude list. Sometimes it's a, why did she talk to me like that rant, you know, and just getting it out. And other times it's like, oh my God, my business strategy, I've got this idea and this idea. So I, I don't think we need to overthink it. It's just dependent on a piece of paper.

But the power of it, like you say. It's probably, you know, it's a practice that's available to all of us, isn't it?

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Why do you think so many of us, like, I swear it is like all women, not so many, all of us, struggle with self-worth and not feeling enough.

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where does it come from? Well, these beliefs sadly, are ingrained in us from our childhood. What we've experienced, what we've heard, what we've seen. and it can only take a small comment. You know, it doesn't, I, when we say the word trauma, you know, and I help people work through trauma. Trauma is. Again, such a big word.

I, I don't believe in, you know, big T trauma and little T trauma. We've all got some kind of trauma and that could be someone saying something to you and you taking that in a way when you were very, very young. I. and creating a belief with it.I shouldn't have said that, or it's, it's all about me, you know, because when we're young and we're so, you know, in those childhood years, we are very impressionable, but we're just looking for validation.

We're just looking for that love to be seen, to be heard, and to be loved. and we're surrounded by. Parents and adults that are trying to figure out the world themselves, you know? Yeah. I say that as a parent now, you know? so I think, you know, these, these beliefs and these stories are embedded from a very, very young age.

And of course our minds, you know, we have this negative bias. Mm. And so we go looking for evidence. And as we grow older, that just gets louder and louder and louder as we have that evidence. And I think for women, for Asian women in particular, I mean, there's. So, so many cultural nuances and so much pressure that is put on us as Asian women to be a certain way, to look, a certain way, to behave a certain way, and it's just, it's never, it never feels like it's ever gonna be enough.

It's just this unsaid pressure that I think we all feel.

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Yes. You know, like when: 2030

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I think the social media, you know, this love hate relationship that we all have with it comparisonitis, you know, just, just looking at something and someone, you know, half term holidays for example, everyone's like in the Maldives or Greece or Corfu, and you are like, great, I'm sat in sunny warwickshire.

it, it's, it's everywhere, isn't it? And I think you have to be really, really careful about what you are consuming, setting those boundaries for yourself. But again, it comes back to that awareness. You know, how much are you getting carried away? I see it with teenagers, you know, they are so absorbed in these phones and, and the things that they see on social media and the likes.

And, and again, we're trying to navigate this at our age. You know, trying to run a business, it's very, very difficult. but I think, going back to like the affirmations and, and the retreat, one of the things that women find really hard to say is, I am enough. Mm-hmm. Those three words are like the most challenging words for, for almost everybody that walks through my door.

and. With the affirmations in particular, one of the hacks, particularly with the tapping and even without the tapping, is I choose rather than I am. Mm. Because that I am feels so triggering because your brain ultimately will come back to you and say, no, you're not. Mm, you are Absolutely not. But if we say in this moment, I choose to feel enough, then suddenly that feels okay.

And that feels like. Doable for the brain. Yeah. If that makes sense.

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But so many people don't believe that and they don't know that, that they're enough. So is there anything that women can do to start to feel like they're enough?

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Mm. which can feel quite emotional, but it's, it's looking at yourself, looking at. It's gratitude for who you are, what you've achieved, where you are in life. and yeah, just reflecting on those wins, I think reflecting on challenges that you've overcome, because we've all overcome challenges and taking that one by one, you know, today I feel enough because.

For example, and how would you finish, how would you finish that question?

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So that was: 2020

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I didn't know anyone the imposter syndrome kicked in. and I think I just started by, the biggest thing for me always is community and finding that community and having lived in three different countries, always moving to a new place, it's finding your people and your tribe, people that you can connect with that are like-minded.

And that's what I just looked out for. And thankfully as a mom and having children at school, that's that that can be a little bit easier. Mm-hmm. So I did find a couple of moms at school that were also in wellness. And, started my little tribe then, and that began as a little network. You know, those three became six, and then the six became eight.

And I then set up this wellness network in my area, which is now 178 of us. That's amazing. And it all starts with just putting yourself out there, I think was the, it's the, it's the hardest thing to do, but just talking to people and talking to people that are doing similar things to you that, you know, I once heard this brilliant quote in a, in a podcast that was go where people grow, you know?

So that's really, might not be at the local pub, but it might be at the yoga studio, for example, or where you go and play sports, for example. So yeah, I think it's, I think it's finding and talking to people, telling them what you do. I. Which is what got me started.

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All work. Everybody's working somewhere. Everybody knows somebody that needs some support in something. And that's really, I think that's really how it first began for me was my, my network. I had a network from my old PR world as well. Mm-hmm. but also my friends and family that what saw what I did. and that created a few clients and.

That momentum began from there. And

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Offline and more kind of face-to-face driven. Yeah, I, I, I, I think I really value those one-to-one conversations or those networking meetings where you can really talk to somebody and talk to a human. Yes, I know that sounds, sounds crazy, but I think in a post covid world where there's a little bit of fatigue sometimes with, Instagram, certainly for me anyway.

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But that's the thing that I love about you. Like you are never in any kind of cliques. You're not going to like the usual things. Like you just do your own thing and. How, like, you know when people are looking at networking events, like how do they know like, oh, this is the right one for me? Or do you think it's just a case of like just testing and just seeing like.

You know what the vibe is and just going to lots and kind of working it out that way.

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And then I think it's looking at those groups. some of them are, they're all so different. Mm. Some of them are there and there's a 62nd pitch and they've got a timer and it's,

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I really liked that. I really enjoyed the vibe. It was very relaxed. You know, certainly with my networking group, that is exactly what it's all about. It's all about making everybody feel welcome. You know, not having those buzzes where there's 60 seconds. Yeah. You know, it's all about the collaboration, the conversation, and an opportunity to just share.

Your story. I think don't go in with like, I need to get sales from this. I need, you know, that's a very corporate way of looking at it. You're just going to have conversations with people and if those conversations feel a little bit stale, then that's probably not. The right environment for you.

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That like networking's quite like a masculine thing and women can't succeed from networking. But obviously your experience is completely different, isn't it? That you, there's obviously business being done in a soulful, aligned way, but also you can get business from networking events, right?

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We all have a story to tell with what we're doing, with our businesses, with our, you know, work that we do. And we're great at storytelling and we're great at listening to each other's stories, and that just creates this human and emotional connection, which is. Hi, I'm so and so and I'm here to sell you X, Y, Z product.

You know, it's just it that, that feels very male and masculine and corporate, whereas I think women just get it so right, because then it sparks another conversation and it's just, at the end of the day, it's just a human, a conversation with another human, isn't it really? Yeah.

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What should be my elevator pitch? And I think it's important to have all of those things, but I think sometimes I, I think I said to one of my masterminds a few months ago, I think sometimes it's just listening. And you know, it's like if you're at a party, you wouldn't just kind of barge into a party and just talk about yourself and leave.

It's more about like having those conversations and just like de developing like relationships with people. Because if I think about networking, for me it's never really been about. You know, I obviously host networking events for my membership, but it's, for me, I haven't used networking as a massive strategy.

Mm. to get clients, so to speak. 'cause I'm obviously quite good at online marketing, but I think for me, networking has been very good in terms of like speakers from my events or podcast guests. Like there's different ways you, ways you can weave it into your business as well. Make it work for you.

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I think the, I think the listening element is a really good point.

I think you need, it's really important to perhaps listen and can you offer something to that person, you know? are they asking for support in something or can you make a connection with them? They will remember you for that. If someone tells you that they work. Within the construction industry, for example, and they're looking for support in something and you happen to know someone.

I think making that connection can, be quite beneficial. I've lost my train of thought. You are laughing at something. No, I'm, I'm laughing as a Cheshire cat because I just

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You've been a speaker and obviously you were in the Mastermind a couple of years ago and I just loved the way I always refer you. And Cam, who's also been on the podcast, she's incredible. Like the way you've built a relationship with me is like. It, it hasn't been like this thing like, oh, can I, can I come and speak like on your stage?

You know? And obviously we host like the biggest events for Asian female entrepreneurs. It's been such an organic, like friendship and it's always been from a place of like, oh, but if you, you know, if you ever need anything around this, like, and it's not been this like pushy thing, it's been, but you've always led from a place of like.

Friendship and just like kindness, like obviously you helped me with my health journey a couple of years ago when I was literally dying. and I think that's so important. And the reason why I was just grinning like a JE cap was because I remember last year and I was doing my big event in London. And the kind of d like, so I'd announce a speaker and it would might be, I dunno, like Noreen Kahan or Shivani Powell, who, whoever amazing was coming yourself.

And then people would literally DM me. I think I shared some screenshots with you. Yes. It would be like, hi, can I come and speak at your event? I can talk about this, this, and this. And I was like, nothing infuriates me. More because I'm like, oh my God. Like I would never, I would never do that. I would never DM someone like that.

You know, I put so, you know, I always teach my clients like relationship build. That is, relationship building is so important in business. Like, you know. Being there for other people, building relationships, offering something that could help the other person. Yes. Not just thinking about yourself. Yes. And the thing is, the thing that I got really infuriated with is that like if I was ever, so for example, I was thinking about someone today that.

I would love to be connected with. I was like, you know what? I'd love to be in her energy, be connected. I'd love to have her on the podcast so I'm not thinking, okay, let me just like cold pitch to her. I was actually thinking, okay, maybe I could get to like one of her events. Mm-hmm. Obviously pay to be at her events, maybe start connection that way.

But what I find with some people, and I'm now. Going off on a tangent, but it's just like, they just wanna take, take, take. Especially when like, you know, I get dms for my podcast as well. Hi. I saw you've done a podcast. I can speak about this, this, and this. Can you put me in? And I'm like, oh my God.

Like that's just not the way to do

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Ask them how the holiday in Dubai was. That's how you foster those relationships. And I think for me, I've obviously got a PR background as well. Previously, so I've done this with journalists. It's, and it's not hard to be nice. Yeah, you are absolutely right. It it isn't, and I think we put a lot of.

Pressure on ourselves with the word networking and what it should be and what you should get out of it. And sometimes that's a much slower burn. Mm. You know, it's so true.

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n and blog, like came back in: 2014

Just you know, now and again, hi and bye. We did some weddings together and then like the opportunity comes and I was like, oh. 'cause like the last few times I asked her, she was pregnant and she was like, actually this time I'm actually free. I'll come. But then she introduced me to like someone else. So she introduced me to Marni.

And then me and Amani came into the podcast. Obviously Chris came. So it's like that snowball effect. Yes. And I think it's just sometimes just being nice to people and just being, you know, courteous. I think that that goes a long way. And I think just always thinking, oh, what can I get out of this person?

That's just not the way to do business. But moving on, because I could laugh about that all the time. What does your kind of mindset routine look like? Me on a daily basis? Because obviously you are a mother, you're balancing motherhood. Obviously ra your husband, he's also gone self-employed. Yes. And you're doing like retreat and sometimes you're like, oh, I've got like two retreats this week and three speaking events.

Oh my what? Like I'm just here like in my Oxford house, like with my one event, just. Just dying and like you are and you are always up really early, and I just feel like you're really organized. It's like how, what does your personal routine look like and how are you blending it all? Yeah.

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First of all, I'm not perfect by any means. Mindset for me is 100% important. I think, like you said, you know, the subconscious mind is absolutely running the show, so you really have to work on your mindset. You could have the best business strategy in the world, but if you are feeling the imposter syndrome or you're stuck with money blocks, or you know, you don't believe in yourself.

You're not gonna get anywhere. So I think for me, I have a morning routine where, it's a meditation routine.some breathing, some tapping, and I just kind of check in with myself. but I do need that time for myself in the morning before the world starts and everything and the chaos of the day begins.

I think it's really important to carve out that time, and it doesn't have to be. Two hours of the day. You know, for me sometimes it's 20 minutes, sometimes it can be five, sometimes it's 45. But having that time for me is really, really important. And even throughout the day, I think nutrition, you know, I take a 360 approach to, to, to wellbeing, to mental resilience, which is really important to me after the car accident and brain health.

So I do need to eat. I'm not one of these girls that can fast until, you know, 12, one o'clock. I just, my brain just doesn't operate in that way and can't operate. So I do need to nourish myself. So I really, breakfast is a really important meal in our house.so yeah, that's, that's kind of my morning routine.

throughout the day I try to find moments to reset. and that will look like maybe a little bit of breath work, just closing my eyes, walking in nature. And then in the evening there's a little bit of a wind down routine, so the bookends of the day are quite important. Mm. I think, the end of the day is very much about that reflection piece, doing my journaling, having some time with just me.

I. I come across on social media as being out there and doing lots of things, but I do need my time to recharge. You know, that's when I do become a little bit of an introvert or, 'cause if you're give, give, giving so much all day, every day, I think even my family know that if I'm in my room, in my bed with a journal.

Then I just need that time to myself.

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That I used to listen to in bed, and it's now evolved, so now it's my own meditation practice. I will do a little bit of breath work to begin with. Then I'll use a mantra based meditation, and then I will end with a visualization on. Me and my goals, maybe my health goals, my business goals, family goals. So a little bit of visualization, manifestation, call it what you want, and then end in gratitude.

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I love that so much. And what about motherhood? How do you, how do you

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Mm. And. No disrespect to my parents or anything and, but how I would do things differently or maybe the things that I might have wanted.so it's a really interesting journey. there's no manual. Yeah, sadly. But yeah. And you know, it's looking at areas where perhaps. For example, maybe I wasn't, I didn't feel as though I had a voice when I was younger, although I was encouraged to be confident and I was encouraged to perform, and I was encouraged to go out and talk to people.

Yet in the home, I felt like I was silenced quite a lot. I. And told to be quiet and not ask so many questions. So I grew up with this really confusing, conflicting, is it okay to say something? Should I say something? Should I use my voice? You know, things like that. And exploring the world. I grew up in a very strict Indian household where I think even if I looked at a, a boy, my dad could.

We knew, knew about it. Yeah. So, you know, it's just, it's just a very, very different way of bringing, bringing my girls up. so yeah, I, I think just balancing, balancing is not really the right word. It is very much a, a blend. but I think having my own business allows me to be in charge of my own diary, my own commitments.

It ebbs and flows. And there are times where my girls will absolutely need me, and that's. A drop everything moment and and vice versa.

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So thank you so much for being here. It's been such a, I've enjoyed this conversation so much. I loved it. Where can everyone find you on socials if they wanna connect with you?

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Thank you so much me. It's amazing to have you. It's been great. Thanks so much.

Yay.